Do Not Judge?
“Let a righteous man strike me – it is a kindness; let him rebuke me – it is oil on my head. My head will not refuse it.” Psalm 141:5
I have been a part of some extremely frustrating and disappointing circumstances and conversations recently. I don’t know how and I don’t know when, but somewhere along the way, too many Christians have come to believe that “what I do with my life is my business…and what you do with your life is your business. Don’t judge me!” That is completely and entirely unbiblical! It is heresy! And the consequence is that our spiritual health, both personally and corporately, is suffering immeasurably. And when our spiritual health suffers, so do our marriages, our families, our relationships, our bodies…the ripple affect goes on and on.
The biblical fact of the matter is that as members of the body of Christ, our spiritual health (which affects/directs every other area of our lives) must matter to one another, because “if one part suffers, every part suffers with it” (1 Cor.12:26). Paul makes it clear in chapter 5 of the same letter to the Corinthians (verses 9-13), that we are not to “judge those outside the church.” That’s God’s job – a very important detail to remember. However, he asks the rhetorical question: “Are you not to judge those inside?” In other words, if my brother or sister in Christ is “caught in sin,” then I am to “restore him gently” (Gal.6:1). We must be willing to “speak the truth in love” (Eph.4:15) to one another, in order that we might all mature and be strengthened. And for what purpose? So that the great and incredible glory of God might be exalted among and through all of us.
I said that I don’t know how or when this misconception came to become so deeply rooted among us, but I think I know why: this is hard stuff. Why? Because we are all sinners. How can I, someone who daily and desperately needs the grace and forgiveness of God for my own sin, hold someone else accountable for theirs?! Because it is God’s design…so, ultimately, you’ll have to take it up with Him. These conversations are not easy – at all – whether you are on the giving or the receiving end. Sometimes, it really, really hurts. Remember when Nathan had to confront David with his sin? Do you think he went to David gleefully?! David could have had him killed! Do you think David enjoyed having his sin pointed out? Probably not…but was he grateful? No doubt. Because, when given and received with the right Spirit, being willing to hold one another accountable always leads us to the Cross, to repentance, to forgiveness, to grace. It takes a great deal of humility and love, and it also takes a lot of courage. But in the end, everyone wins, when our mutual desire is to become more Christ-like.
“But what if I’m wrong?!” Honestly, it shouldn’t matter…and the reason I can say that is this: if we are truly acting out of humility and love, with genuine concern for the other person, then even if we’re wrong, at least we cared enough to go to that person. And, hopefully, the other person recognizes that it was done in love and responds graciously.
God has been holding me accountable the past several months for shying away from some tough conversations I should have been having. It’s one thing to drop a hammer to a group of people; I actually don’t mind doing that a bit! It’s quite another to talk face-to-face with someone about something they might not be too thrilled to be talking about. But I can shy away no longer. I don’t have a choice. Well, I guess I do. I can be obedient or rebellious. I don’t want to touch the latter option with a ten-foot pole.
When I look back on the people God has brought in to my life, the relationships that have been the most meaningful to me and through which I have grown the most, are the ones in which the friends who truly loved me were willing to potentially wound me by saying the hard things. It wasn’t always easy…it definitely didn’t always feel good. (Kind of like going to the dentist!) But it was always meant for my good. And when I was willing to die to my pride and own my sin, grace abounded and I was changed. Praise God!!
Please…let us be deceived no longer. Your spiritual health matters to me! And mine should matter to you! We must be willing to say hard things…not because we are perfect, but because we love one another as Christ loves us – with a love that penetrates, encourages, challenges, and builds one another up – even when it hurts.
Cammie, this is so well said! I struggle with holding others accountable for just the reasons you gave–it’s hard and I am a sinner… I am so thankful for you and others in my life who care enough to challenge me in my blind spots. And thanks for being so faithful with your blogging. What an encouragement you are to me!
Since I suffer from know-it-all-itis, I shy away from this concept out of fear that I am going to be too hard on the other people and behave pridefully.
However, in keeping myself in check, I am certain that I’ve missed opportunities to lovingly correct brothers and sisters.
I’ve been on the receiving end of some really great examples of godly, loving accountability and I’ve benefitted greatly from the correction. I do appreciate it when I’m held accountable (especially by Andy), even when it doesn’t feel good to hear it!
No truer words have been said – confrontation is HARD when yo uknow you are not squeaky clean… Thanks for this encouragement to do the right thing.
I belong to a group called AA; in this group we have sponsors to do such corrections when needed. The point of having a sponsor in AA is to have someone that can call you out when needed. This concept has also been used in my own life when I have strayed from Christ, and these corrections have been very helpful to bring me closer to the Cross.
One concern I would have about doing such corrections would be to make sure I know the person well enough, and have had a relationship with this person that would lend ones self to such corrections.
Matthew 7:3
Jesus uses a deliberately extreme image in this passage–that of a plank in somebody’s eye–to make a point about the human impulse to judge others while ignoring our own faults. Tend to your own flaws, Jesus teaches, before you get too upset about others’.
Please don’t wait until you’re perfect before helping me. I’ll need it sooner than that. If you’ll help me with my plank, I’ll help you with your spec. Otherwise, we all stumble around blind and never move forward.
My point was knowledge rather than perfection, if a person judges another on perception rather than knowledge this could lead to misunderstanding. The Bible speaks on the subject as a disagreement between two, and these two should seek council from the Church. Unlike Christ, we don’t have the ability to look into a person’s soul and judge at a glance
I love to dialogue like this…it is so good. And so important. Celene, you made me laugh out loud! :)
Garnett, you mentioned that we need to make sure we “know the person well enough, and have had a relationship with this person that would lend oneself to such corrections.” I couldn’t agree more. That is why LIFE groups are so important. When we enter in to such growth/discipleship groups, we need to enter knowing that we are stepping it up a notch as far as relationships and discipleship goes. We are, in essence, saying to the rest of the group: “I want to grow! I need to grow! Help me! Let’s do it together.” And as I mentioned in my blog, it isn’t always easy…to give or to receive feedback like this. (On a side note, when one commits to being a leader of a LIFE group, we have actually committed to an even greater degree to be willing to give and receive accountability.)
We are never given the license in scripture to tear in to people or come to them with a self-righteous attitude. Indeed, we are to look inward — often — and continually be asking the Lord to show us those things that are hindering our relationship with Him, as well as those things that are blatant sins! As Mark said, we’re never going to get to perfection, so if we all waited until then, we’d all be in horrible shape.
I think we all need to resolve to hold one another accountable in these ways. But I also think we need to resolve to respond graciously and maturely when on the receiving end ourselves. I praise God that there have been people in my life who have brought to my attention those things that need to change. And even when it hasn’t been done in the best way…nonetheless, by God’s grace, I strive to gleen every morsel of wisdom and growth out of it that I can.
My life has been extremely blessed by my fellow brothers and sisters holding me accountable! I do not know where my life would be without it and I for one am very thankful! I know that it must have been extremely hard for my friends to speak in such truth sometimes.
Thanks to all of my friends who are reading this!
Cammie, with this subject I think I’ll just disagree with you, and hope the church will handle disagreements like this better in the future.
Garnett,
I’m afraid it’s not me that you are disagreeing with, but Scripture. It’s pretty clear on this issue, and we see examples of it all throughout the Bible. If there is one place in the Scriptures that seem to say something else, rest assured that it all agrees with itself! Each passage must be understood within its immediate context; then within the context of the particular book you are reading; and then within the context of Scripture as a whole.
If you have personally been in a situation that you might label “accountability-gone-wrong”, and you believe The Summit has not handled it well, then it is your responsibility to go to the appropriate person/people in order to work the situation through to resolution/reconciliation. Perhaps you need to speak to an elder to receive godly counsel and wisdom. If you have done everything in your power to restore peace, but the other person is unwilling to dialogue further, then there is nothing else you can do. It’s a discipleship issue through and through — for both parties. Mark is actually going to be preaching on this very issue in just a few weeks. I’m thinking he’s going to be saying much of the same, though. So, I guess I would encourage you to diligently pray as you search the Scriptures that God would give you wisdom, insight, and understanding regarding this.
It is my hope and prayer that as the body of Christ at The Summit, we will resolve to follow God’s way in this area, and not our own.
Like I said Cammie, I’m done with this.
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